My wife (46f) and I (48m) are “swing-curious”. We know we’re not quite ready to swap (I’m further along than she is), but we both want to see if we can get there. We ARE ready to go to Desire for a sexy vacation to explore our exhibitionist sides and soak in the sexual environment, so we know Desire would be the first serious step in exploring if the lifestyle is for us.

I’m trying to be careful and realistic about not moving too fast into the lifestyle, and ruining any chance of success getting there.

I’m wondering what the “rules” should be for our first trip there. A few options:

1. We agree to absolutely no physical interaction with other people during our first trip there. We just watch, learn, and process, and take plenty of time back home to discuss next steps.

2. Same as #1 but we agree that on the last 2 nights, we can play if we are both enthusiastic about a specific couple/situation. This prevents us from “wasting” the trip if we find ourselves much more open/comfortable than we expected.

3. (Probably a bad idea) Since my wife is the more skeptical one, I agree not to bring up/ask for/seek out any sort of play until/unless she brings up wanting to do it first. I’m thinking this is a bad idea because even though she’s theoretically in control, she’ll be wondering what I really think and worried about disappointing me by not giving the go-ahead. That’s why I think hard/fast no-exception rules would be better.

I’m curious about other couples who were in the same situation before their first Desire trip. Did you have rules like this? Did you stick to them? How did the trip affect your attitude toward the lifestyle (positive or negative)? What was your next step afterward?