Hey there awesome individuals of Reddit. Hope you are well.

I just need to vent. Is healing supposed to be this hard?

I feel like I'm losing a sense of relevance. My psychologist says I'm on the right track, but you know, recovering from depersonalization and dissociation is so hard. I feel like I cannot integrate back into society. Like I can't go back to the past and resume since it has already happened and life has moved on. Activities and and events have already happened and my mind cannot comprehend.

At the same time I can't integrate back into the present, as I feel like an outsider as so much has changed. I find myself pinging my brain, just to make sure I'm still there.

I find it soooo difficult trying to talk to people, whether it's online or offline. It's like I cannot comprehend what people are telling me. I also find myself talking gibberish or texting incorrect words when I go through these moments. My mind cannot process information or words. I constantly feel the urge to ask people if in bothering them - and when I do ask for reassurance it actually kills me so much inside

At the same time, how people react to me further enforces this feeling. For example I get told - how many times must I tell you this? Or how many times must I repeat this to you? It's weird like when my job makes this worse. Like - when I know I did a task, and I get told, where is this task, did you not do it? It makes my brain scrambled, and when I provide the necessary evidence, it's like oh ok. But like individuals don't realise like how much stress it puts on my mind.

I don't know, I think I am just having weird couple of days, I took some leave, and being alone with my thoughts, shows that my mind is healing, but at the same time it's incredibly jumpy. At times I don't even know who I am.

I know I will get better!! I am on the path of recovery!!

To the person reading this, remember that you matter! Don't ever doubt that! Have a rad day like the amazing person that you are!