This is one of my symptoms that scare the hell out of me and they have only increased over the years. I dont like to talk about because i get embarrassed and its frightening but im bringing it up today because im getting to the point where i cant take it anymore aabd it seems that based off of me searching endlessly on reddit that no one has depersonalization episodes like mines.

So to cut to the chase, my episodes are usually distressing. My first awareness of them started back in college a couple years ago.

I told my therapist that ive been having scary episodes where i think my face has changed into another person. At the time specifically, some i dated. I thought i had there mustache and hair and it was frightening. I had to leave class a few times because of how distressing these episodes got. When they felt like they would get more intense i would start to believe that i was literally changing into him. My therapist at the time told me it was likely i was experiencing depersonalization episodes.

As the years went on i started having more and more episodes resulting in me having them almost everyday now. And now instead of me thinking im changing into the ex, i can have episodes where i think ive completely morphed into a man(with the parts and all)(Im a girl and biologically female) or my favorite characters from television. As an example, maybe i think ive all of a sudden grew Mickey mouse's ears or Sonic the hedgehogs quills. These have been the most frightening ones as of recent.

Now the reason why im questioning if this is depersonalization or not is simply because of the definition commonly found.

Most people describe their symptoms as feeling outside of their body.

Me i feel very much in my body during my episodes. It just feels like it changes into something i don't want to be. In fact, during them i very much wish that i could jump out of my body so i dont have to experience it anymore.

These episodes has definitely started getting in the way of daily life.

Sometimes they can be triggered when others are around me and definitely if i watch or play a game that has the characters i believe i turn into during the episodes. So i cant enjoy the content anymore with a piece of mind or without that episode happening.

If its not depersonalization, im convinced its either a sign of psychosis or hallucinations, especially for the episodes where i think my sex has changed which scares me to pieces.