I’m a man in my early 40s from Hyderabad, India. I've been married for over ten years, and while we don’t have children, our marriage has been stable. However, our sex life has always been less than fulfilling. My wife and I have different libidos, and we face other personal challenges in this area. I’m not looking for relationship advice or to complain about this—I just want to express my experience.

In daily life, I’m introverted, nerdy, and not very social, but I’m more open with people I’m close to. I have a high sexual drive but no real outlet to express it. To manage this, I often turn to reading erotic stories and masturbation. One of my strongest sexual kinks is exhibitionism—the idea of being watched by a stranger while I’m masturbating or having sex gives me immense pleasure and enhances my experience. This is why I found Chaturbate so satisfying.

Since 2021, however, the platform requires broadcasters to submit a passport for age verification. I’m uncomfortable sharing my personal details, so I’m no longer able to use it. While on Chaturbate, I did meet a few women who later connected with me on Skype, and we’d occasionally engage in mutual exhibitionism. I’ve never had a physical sexual relationship outside my marriage. Even though my wife has suggested I find someone to have sex with, I’ve always felt too guilty to pursue it. I also struggle with being intimate unless I have a strong emotional connection—I believe this condition is called demisexuality.

Looking back, I feel like I’ve wasted my most energetic years without experiencing the kind of sex I desire. Simple acts like regular oral sex, both giving and receiving, feel out of reach.