What do we do when we go about looking for a potential partner? We narrate on our fun side, stuff we love doing, things we feel positively about, hoping to attract people to our good side.

But what if we have been doing it all in reverse? What if we have been idiots all along? What if the very fact how we present ourselves - only our positive shit - is the reason why relationships fail?

An alternative approach would be - a very difficult one but who the hell would expect a good outcome to be easy eh? - to list out everything that we do not want/ cannot stand/ absolutely despise in our lives. An approach to, lay out the things that are deal breakers/ big causes of trauma triggers and just the things with potential to build up and ruin our day, no matter how petty.

A good starting point would be to mention right up front, any past trauma or mental health issues and insecurities that have been part of our lives and how we have endured it. Next could be to elaborate on our beliefs and things we strongly associate with, things that define our core way of life. Next could be, certain personality and social behavioural nuances and quirks that we have seen in others and grown to despise. These can easily be anxiety triggers which are just as easily overlooked.

Finally, we could provide ample information on how someone should deal with us/ treat us, when we are suddenly triggered or flip out for whatever reason.

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This approach, will receive only a straight out objection, because we are not programmed and conditioned to lay bare our vulnerabilities to a new person. But imagine if only it is somehow made a norm or a practice, like how we shake hands when meeting someone new - who started that and why do we still do it even after so many centuries? - then it is very likely that things will not be left to be discovered well into a relationship when it is too late to acknowledge something that we never meant to deal with in the first place.

Nobody will bother to put in so much effort when meeting a potential partner, because we are programmed to hide our true selves, to be hospitable when we meet someone new, to be on our best behaviour, to put on our friendly facade. Hiding everything behind it.

Relationships fail for countless reasons, but one reason is certainly, going into one keeping our negative side hidden, to advertise only our positive/ less consequential side.

Instead of the "I like" and "I enjoy" and "I love" things, one could start with "I dislike" and "I cannot stand" and "I loathe" things.

If there were Ten Commandments for getting to know a potential partner thoroughly.....the below would be it........

1. CHILDHOOD & PAST LIFE
2. MIND/ BELIEFS
3. MENTAL/ BIOLOGICAL HEALTH
4. INSECURITIES/ ANXIETY TRIGGERS
5. PERSONALITY/ BEHAVIOUR
6. INTERESTS/ PASSIONS
7. SEXUAL PERSONALITY (INTIMACY/ KINKS)
8. BODY/ AESTHETICS & APPEARANCE
9. PRESENT LIFE & SITUATION
10. LIFE PLANS/ FUTURE

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1. Get to know yourself as you go through life
2. Declare your bad side, while advertising your good side
3. Communicate your anxiety triggers and insecurities
4. Communicate how they should be dealt with

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