i don't feel real. ever since i've been on this journey to find out who i truly am, what the world truly is and what life is truly about, i've started to lose myself. its like the more i become aware the more i stray from my humanity. i don't feel human. i don't feel real. whenever i'm around family, friends, coworkers, i see them talking and hanging out and myself just standing there not saying anything. and it's because i don't want to. every conversation just seems so trivial and like there's no point to it. i'm simply not interested. like i don't care. there's so many more things, bigger things to care about. i feel so disconnected. at this point i'm just skating bye because honestly it feels like no one is on my level. and believe me i know how it sounds but it's true...i hate that i feel this way. i hate that i can't sit on the phone for hours anymore with my friends talking about boys, and random girl stuff. it all just seems so stupid. and i have things i want to talk about but like i said i feel like people aren't on my level or are really well equipped to talk about the things i want to talk about. it's been very difficult for me.