Hi all.

I'm 27F and I've been living with my boyfriend, 42M, for about six months. He's a wonderful, wonderful person, but I'm not in love with him. I've talked with him about this before. I've been trying to be satisfied with our life together, because it's what so many people would want--we both have stable jobs, pets, a big house, the opportunity to have kids soon--but I'm haunted by the desire to get a grad degree and either move up north (I live in the U.S.) or to France, where I have citizenship. He's not moving from here as he just got tenure (he's a professor). Even if he were willing to move away, again, I'm not in love with him. I don't want to waste any more of his time; he's 42 and wants to start a family soon.

But I'm scared to leave. What if I leave to get a grad degree and regret losing the comfort and security of what I have now? What if I care for him more than I realize and regret leaving him? How will I withstand the loneliness of living alone? How will I afford it--I technically could, but I have a spending problem. I'm depressed and just spend my cash to give me temporary happiness. Currently, my boyfriend pays for the house. How will I afford rent? I don't even have a car...

I just realize that this will take a lot of courage, a lot of fortitude, a lot of strength. And I'm scared I don't have that strength, I'm scared of regrets, I'm scared I won't be able to achieve my dreams. But I can't stay, either--I'm haunted daily by the feeling that I'm supposed to be doing something else, and it's not fair to him to stay with him just because it's easier. I am so scared of what the future holds.