I'm depressed. I'm in a really, really bad place. I recently (about two-three weeks ago) started anti-depressants for the first time in my life, I'm not sure how I feel about them yet. I've struggled with depression my entire life, but now that I'm on my own (college, bought my own insurance plan, emancipated from my parents), I'm able to actually get a diagnosis and some sort of treatment.

I have a boyfriend, and I'm very, very in love with him. We've been dating for almost a year now, doing long distance, so I try to be careful and gentle with our relationship so that we're not strained or unhappy. We have big dreams together. Sometimes, a lot of the time, really, he's my reason to keep going when I can't find one in myself.

My problem is, I don't know how to tell him how bad of a place I'm in. I can't find the right words to tell him, without pressuring him or putting him in an uncomfortable position. I don't want him to have to sit there and talk me off of a ledge or drag him into my shit. Tonight I called him crying, bawling my eyes out, and I felt so guilty when he sat with me and helped me get my breathing under control and compose myself. I don't really know what to do, how to avoid letting this hurt him and our relationship, and how to communicate with him about it without it becoming toxic (by toxic I mean, like, needing constant affirmation, talking about suicidal thoughts without threatening suicide, that sort of thing).

Any advice or help?