I’ve been dating this guy for 4 years. We’ve been very comfortable with each other, and never have crossed my mind that he will do things behind my back. Or so I thought. I have another Facebook account which I solely use for stanning (I’m a Kpop fan) and I don’t know what pushed me into typing his name on the search bar. To my surprise I saw his secret account that I cannot find in my main account (he may have blocked me). He’s flirting with other girls, leaving heart reactions to their pictures. I see him trashtalking me in that account as well. What hurts me more is that some of his family members whom I thought i’m close to liking/sending laugh reactions to those posts. I confronted him about it and he just denied it, obviously. I didn’t contact him for two months after that, but then a huge typhoon hit my country and he messaged me if he can stay in my place for awhile because it’s flooded in their city. So I said yes, also to try if we can still work things out with each other. But I felt very uncomfortable sharing a bed with him. I don’t even wanna kiss him. I feel paranoid all the time. The safe feeling that I felt with him before is long gone. I think my feelings for him went away along with my trust. May I add that we haven’t been intimate with each other for almost a year now. After four days, he went back home. I refused to contact him again, I immediately blocked his number the moment he walked out of my door. A week later, I re-installed Telegram because I need to contact my business partner. I didn’t know Telegram shows your recent contacts even though you already deleted him and there I saw, my former flame online but he never did once message me. My gut feelings tells me he’s talking to someone there AGAIN. Him talking to prettier, skinnier girls made me feel so ugly and like shit that I starved myself for two days after that. But now, I feel better. Like a thorn is removed from my chest. I’m focusing on myself now. Eating healthy, making sure I sleep well. I even enrolled myself to a language class because i’m looking to work abroad. All the years i’ve been with him, I always put him first, which is wrong because I lost myself in the process. I’m so glad I cut him off because I deserve better.