This is probably going to sound silly, or like a first-world problem, but here goes nothing.

I’m 22F. I was a curious child, and when I found YouTube at around age 12 I got so inspired and decided that I was going to make videos, write stories, learn to draw, make video games, learn languages, learn to compose, and so on. I figured out all of my interests early and I still have most of them today.

Now it’s 10 years later. I’ve dabbled in all of it and accomplished nothing. I don’t regret the time I spent finding out and getting inspired, because I feel like I have more motivation and “zest for life” than many of my peers and adults. What I do regret is letting time pass by while I’m depressed that I can’t realistically do everything at once, or even get great at one thing.

Take my YouTube passion for example. If you want to make something that doesn’t suck, and you don’t have millions of dollars, you’re going to have to come up with a unique idea and work tirelessly to make it entertaining. I think I’m capable of it, but when I think about how much time it’s going to take to make a single video I get paralyzed. It’s like I can’t let myself just be a beginner.

It’s a vicious cycle now when I think about it, like the more time I spend passively thinking about an activity and not doing it, to justify all this time spent thinking about it I have to be really good when I make my first move. It’s toxic and dumb.

In a way, this is all just a symptom of that I don’t know how to live my life. As you can imagine with a scatterbrained person like myself, picking a major has not gone much better.

I want to make money to support my hobbies, but I’m so disinterested that I fall behind in every major I try. But I’m never going to make one of my interests a full-time thing if I don’t even start, so who am I to let school fall by the wayside?

I dreamed up some superstar life in my head, but the truth is that even if I happened to be successful with time, my life would consist mostly of being at home creating things. The notion of having to be successful young is something I can’t seem to shake either.

I’m just very lost and I want to be better. It’s gotten so bad that interacting with my interests now is accompanied by so much anxiety and dread that I almost slip into a panic attack.

I can’t talk about this with anyone I know because no one has had these issues. I’m filled with so much regret, and I feel like I need someone to tell me that it’s not too late.

I don’t want another decade to pass me by while living this way.