I have spent hours thinking, journaling, and reading on the topic. I feel like just "more reading" or "more thinking" is not fruitful. I just feel unsure about whether or not I should continue. When I think about the extent to which it (i.e. porn) makes me feel, I can't ever put my finger on it. I'm just not sure. If I can't determine how pleasurable or beneficial it is for me then how am I supposed to make an informed decision on whether or not I want to quit or continue?

My way to respond to this in the past has been, "let's try X more times, and see how it goes". The end result is the same: I feel unsure afterwards. I start doubting how it went, and it makes me feel anxious.

The end result is not satisfying, and instead of a lingering happiness it leaves one with a lingering itch. That much I think I know. But my thinking goes: if it makes me feel better than other things in the moment, then why not use it?