Sooo, it’s been a minute. I’m still using this place for my journaling. It’s easier for me to talk to strangers than myself.

Been doing better. Back to the gym and back to cleaner eating. The routine helps but I’m still out of rhythm.

Got a new Dog. He’s great. He’s an ankle biter though.

It took a while to clear my head. Read some books, watched some anime and listened to music and audio books. Mario Martinez really calms me down but I just had those thoughts at the back of my head.

I’ve met with friends. I talked to them and vented emotions I just bury. I repress it. It wasn’t easy to talk about.

I did see two movies that helped open my eyes.

The Whale and East of the Mountains.

The Whale just helped me see what holding onto negative emotions does. I really connected with it. Struggling with weight and a history of binge eating, fear of my appearance. It really did hit home. I know I will never look good naked but I don’t want to see this guy in the mirror forever. I was heading the way Brendan Fraser was in that movie.

East of the Mountains is with Tom Skerrit. An old man who’s wife died and he’s dying of terminal cancer decides to go out on his terms than the disease. Spoiler alert, he doesn’t go out that way and ends up reuniting with his daughter that cries and says she was worried she’d never see him again.

I called my friend and went on a drive. After watching the movie, I talked and realized that is what I was going to do to my friends. It was sobering. I was really surprised to hear how much I make a difference to them. I never held much high opinion of myself and I was shocked to hear I actually was by people.

My friend talked to me and I just vented how the ball player would say it’s ridiculous to end something over a 2 second pen movement on a 1 cent piece of paper. Why would you do that?!

Still cleaning out my head and making some improvements. Cleaning out clutter and getting ready to sell comics and books I haven’t read in years.

I’m gonna buy a desk. Get my place organized so I can write in my own space.

Gonna hang up my Star Wars posters and my Gladius and Kukri. Gonna get a display case for my figures.

I’m gonna get my Sabaton album framed too.

I’m just gonna keep focusing on what makes me happy. I’m gonna lose weight for me.

I’m gonna take a step back and focus on what really matters end of the day.

Also, looks like I’ve gone down a pants size. Gonna need to buy a new pair of pants and a belt soon.