1. I met my now ex. I thought he was just shy and that’s why I initiated most of the sex we had. He had been single a long time and I figured he didn’t want to scare me off by being “all about sex” (I think he even said something about how he knows that’s what many guys are like). Also I lived with family and he had a roommate. So we didn’t have a lot of privacy. So in December we go on our first vacation together. He talked about how we were gonna have so much sex. We had a cozy cabin and hot tub. I bought langerie. I told him about it. A few days before we both got bad colds but decided to go anyway. We had a wonderful trip…but only had sex once (at my urging). I was hurt. But…he wasn’t feeling his best. And we had a great time. A couple weeks later it’s New Year’s Eve. We go to a party. We’re both a little tipsy. I pull him into the bathroom to….make out? Have sex? I just wanted…to feel wanted. He kissed me quickly but wanted to go back to the party.

By this time we had only been together a few months but I had already planned to move in with him. I remember those first couple weeks of January were rough. I felt like the lack of sex was starting to get to me (I had been in a db before and was sensitive to it). But I couldn’t bail on moving in - he had already told his roommate to move out and things were in motion.

Surely this is something we could work on.

5 years later I’m single.

I miss him. I hate him. I love him. But I’m so glad to not be in that relationship anymore. I’ve had some sex since leaving. Mostly unfulfilling sex honestly…but at least I’m not worried that the person is doing it out of obligation.

Getting out of your db won’t magically fix your life. But it’s good to not have that particular stressor anymore.

It’s not too late. It’s inconvenient yes…but don’t let that be the reason you stay in an unfulfilling relationship.

I’m living with my parents in my 30s. I left the home I had for 4 years. I left my pets. My life not is not as convenient. It’s messier on the outside…but calmer on the inside. Vs before where things looked better on the outside but was a mess inside.

Just know you can leave. And you’ll be ok.