TLDR at bottom.

I haven't posted in awhile, there hasn't much change in my situation to post about outside of what I already have.

A brief synopses: 51 HLM and 46 LLF, just had our 23rd anniversary and birthdays, all within a week. We have what I'd like to characterize as a ZOMBIE bedroom, not exactly dead but one wonders if it might be better if it were. Stretches of hardly anything to mediocre to good and relatively frequent sex and suddenly back again.

Additional info that might be helpful is our backgrounds. I was shy, introverted, growing up as a bit of an outsider and loaner in a conservative environment, I didn't do the dew for the first time until my mid 20s, with the only person other than my wife, and it wasn't anything to really write home about. She grew up in a totally different, liberated, environment. She was more social than me, lost her cherry at 16. Had your stereotypical teenage sex life until she got knocked up just out of high school. We met a couple years later.

This is where I have, very recently, come to a realization. Ever since we met she has never had any reservations about talking about her past adventures. To someone like me at the time it sounded like a preview of the the continuing adventures of life with her. I took the bait.

Although not constant, she never has held back on outlining her early exploits to either me or anyone she might deem an appropriate audience.

Some of the greatest hits, I'll try not to bore you too much with them, along with my editorials;

First and utmost, her losing her virginity to her first real boyfriend, in her bedroom, next to the living room where her drunk dad was watching soccer. It will be mentioned that he had the biggest dong she had or ever will see in person. Oh, did she mention it was on a crappy, squeaky, futon bed. It wasn't quickie either since he was so big... Yeah. this is fun info, I'm not, what I have NOW come to realize the smallest in the crowed but it took me a great while not to be insecure about it. Especially with this bit of her personal trivia. She has also used the excuse not to do anything because she is uncomfortable with others in the house.

Second, her ex-husband that literally walked out on her and their then 1 year old kid, has had absolutely zero contact in at least 20 years, was also bigger than me... Again, good to know, thanks. See above.

Third, between Mr. Hung and Mr. Loser she wasn't shy with guys and boyfriends. She enjoyed "making their day" without hesitation or prompting. This nugget was dropped on me very recently; "I loved when I would out of the blue stop in the middle of a conversation and ask 'Has anyone ever sucked your dick?' and then do it." Along with other fun things to make things exciting... She won't barely touch me or speak to me about sex in any way playful. Never really has besides just after we met, which wasn't that much later in life, she was only 20, and it wasn't anything this fun or spontaneous. Being an outsider in a conservative community I never in a million years would have had that opportunity. Yeah, I guess I'm a bit jealous.

Fourth, she likes to talk about how she gets turned on by other men, celebrities, TV/movie characters, acquaintances, guys at or around work, that guy she saw at the mall, etc.... Really? Will you just stop. We haven't had more than duty sex in longer than I can remember.

Fifth, she actually said "I liked it when I could just whisper in your ear about having sex and you'd get rock hard. Doesn't happen anymore."... When was the last time you even tried that, seriously? I do recall it WAY BACK but I don't recall it happening in modern history. I'm not a spring chicken any more but if you actually tried it again put just the slightest increase of effort into it you would be greatly rewarded.

I'll stop there in the interest of not rambling on but these are the chart toppers.

I guess the reason for this post is. Because she likes to talk about these things, not constantly but often enough to keep it from being forgotten, I've always felt even more left out and neglected. Not to mention the embarrassment and humiliation if this is an occasion with more of an audience than me. Giving the impression things are still wild in that department. It's all I can do sometimes to bite my tongue and not make a scene. Instead having to act like it's funny, etc.

The latest round of the above and a few other things have just made me more aware of the fact and it's been stewing. I just needed to get this off my chest and I thank you for letting me do it here.

TLDR; She used to be wild and likes to talk about it and is nothing close to that with me. I've become more aware that makes our DB even harder for me.