De-escalation is poly speak for scaling back the level of enmeshment and commitments in your romantic relationship and "moving down" on the relationship escalator you climbed together.

You obviously can't unhave your kids, and getting divorced might be impractical, but I can see how spending less time together and living separately could help with many issues by giving you more independence, autonomy, distance and simply time for reflection and perhaps even self-improvement.

This was the one thing that could have perhaps helped in my situation, but unfortunately I was completely checked out emotionally at that point and didn't want anything to do with the relationship. I wonder if any of you have considered it?