The soul-crushing rejection. I just realized in the last 7 months, I don’t even initiate it anymore, it’s all been on his terms. I’m operating in a place of survival to not have to face rejection. And even though things have picked up in the bedroom, it still all feels so quick and minimal and functional. It’s not even something I have to actively keep myself from, I just wait, assuming it’s not going to happen and then pleasantly surprised (I guess?) when it does. No foreplay (he says he just doesn’t really have any interest in it, takes too long, he’s tired). I’m basically just something for him to get off with. I just accept it now and don’t even get upset anymore. I feel like I’ve lost touch with my sexuality and sensuality, just momming and cleaning and wife-ing, planning our neat-future real estate venture. It’s hard to even talk about with him because he feels bad for it all, but also has no real drive to change anything, and I’m afraid it’ll dry up what little sex drive he has now. Ugh.