NYC, 46 m (hl) dealing with a (LL) 42 female with with numerous issues.

We’ve been married 8 years and I knew up front sex wasn’t her favorite thing but did not know how bad it would be. We’ve also tried to have kids and unfortunately due to her endometriosis we cannot and it’s affected her so much. In addition she was raped as a teenager by a so called friend. We’ve done couples therapy and for a few months it worked but we’ve fallen back in the black hole. She is also doing her own individual therapy. She struggles mightily with the fact that others have a happy perfect life while ours is just not. Mind you we own a home 2 cars, I support her in every where. I help greatly at home and never pressure her for sex. We have no intimacy at all and of course that’s one of my love languages. I’ve been suffering the lack of touch the sex and affection good healthy marriages have. And she knows it. In fact lately she’s been telling just go find and other woman to make me happy to complete me. I still love my wife deeply despite the lack of intimacy. She admitted this has been a problem in her all past relationships. No one stays because she’ll have sex to connect then no longer wants it and feels disgusted about it. Had she been honest about this when we first met I would have never attempted to have a relationship with her.

This morning in bed I cuddled up with her with no intent of anything sexual. Just love her and I may have triggered her. I did ask if it was ok and she said yes. Later on we both got up to get ready for church and she had an episode yelling I can’t be near perfect people with families listen she yelled at me while crying do you hear that - silence in this house no kids making noise nothing. I didn’t know what to do but listen.

I don’t know what to do period. For my selfish feelings of wanting sex, touch, affection, happy bliss to her being the way she is. And thru all this still love her. There’s so much more that I can write but I needed to get this off my chest.

Sighhh