I've shared some posts from this sub to her. No idea if she came back. Every story has 2 sides...this is my side. If I don't comment on anything...she read this and killed me lol.

I've been commenting some. This will be my first post though. Almost 42 HLM married 19 yrs to a 43 LLF, 3 boys, military family. This past year has been an absolute disaster. Every story needs context though.

20 yrs ago I asked her if she wanted to play pool after we got off work. I thought she was, still is to me, beautiful. We started dating. First time we were intimate was me giving her a back rub. Neither of us wanted to rush anything, but that back rub was tortuous. I had to keep adjusting so she wouldn't feel how hard I was. I sat in the bathroom while she showered. No peeking was a challenge. She was from a broken home. Molested, raped growing up. I couldn't imagine the scarring hadn't surfaced yet. I told her I wouldn't pressure her for anything. The sex was amazing. (Still is when it happens) FF 8 months and we learn she's pregnant. Over the next year we married, I finish my associates degree, we had boy, then I joined the military so I could provide. She always wanted to get away from her family. After getting to my first duty station ppd set in for her. We rarely had sex. Then all of a sudden we started having sex again. What I didn't know was she wanted to be pregnant again. We had talked about it, I asked that we waited until I made the next rank. I didn't want to struggle. Didn't matter.

FF 6 more years. 3 boys. I'd just received orders to Alaska. We're having marital problems. We would have sex, a chore for her most times. She nagged and nagged. I didn't clean enough. She never got a break from the kids. Now I'm dragging her to Alaska. FF another year and health problems set in. Tests for lupus come back positive. We had gotten closer. Worked some problems out, at least I thought. Turns out she was just festering. Addictions took hold. Spice. Lupus ravaged her. I drank in my depression. Found a friend. She saved my sanity. Nothing ever sexual in nature. Wife said it was emotional cheating though. She quit spice finally. It was ruining us. Only she started drinking. Black out, try to beat the shit out of me. Good thing I learned to clean lol. Then she cheated. I took her home for 2 weeks so I could figure shit out. Oh yeah.....during all that she had a stroke. Her lupus affected her autonomic nervous system, blood pressure spiked. Threw a clot. No permanent damage.

I realized I couldn't leave her. So I forgave her. We started having sex again. She told me we could whenever I wanted. She says my ego and pride were too much. Men are disgusting she says. Her scars had finally come to fruition.

2020...i get orders. We're headed back to Virginia. Hurricane Laura fucked our shit up. Moving was a nightmare. Never asking how she could help. I'd been sleeping on the couch for nearly 3 years. Neither of us feels safe emotionally. After getting somewhat settled, she says, "we can gave sex if nothing else." Got pretty amazing after that....almost back to DB status. Maybe 3 times since Christmas...