Or, "He is watching porn and jacking off and it makes me feel so worthless!"

Everytime I'm on this subReddit there are at least two posts with titles similar to these. Many times there is a question of "WHY?", and expressions of how painful this is for you. I have given this a lot of thought and I think I have an analogy that will help give an explanation and, if you know why, my hope is that it will lead to less hurt. He still wants you, sex with you is FAR better than jacking off into a towel and there is an easy answer. I think, to both of you getting what you really want.

TL,DR: He doesn't masterbate because it is better than sex with you, it's just easy and something he can control.

You are an expensive and decadent meal. You are half a paycheck, filet mignon or Kobe beef (sorry, I don't have a vegan option), but you are a very tasty dish! One you can't make a mistake making because you can't just throw it out, it has to be perfect. And not just the main course, choosing the sides that compliment the meal have to be considered, rice pilaf will do but not every time. Maybe it's 3 course meal or even a 5, but to pull it off successfully requires forethought, preparation. timing and cleanup. This is a memory though, a transcendent meal, one that sticks with you, that you talk about for a week after ... you are that meal that makes life worth living ... satisfying, fulfilling, complete.

Masturbation is a bag of potatoe chips. It's quick and easy, sure it satisfies a couple of senses, it tastes good, it can fill you up but you feel pretty gross after. It doesn't fulfill you but leaves you wanting so much more ... you know it isn't healthy. But you do it, maybe even often because it feels good, that shot of serotonin is great and you are in complete control, start when you want, finish or don't, mostly? Just get it over with.

At best it is a placeholder and what you really crave is a meal. You want her, him, whatever. Touch. Connection. Being together, open and vulnerable ... but there is a cost, it just isn't easy like a bag of chips. Doesn't matter the variety, the chips don't care who he is, potatoe chips or pork rinds, he doesn't have to be good, no pressure to perform. Most men can vividly remember screwing up the "nice meal", underperforming ... and it is among the worst experiences in a man's life! We feel internal pressure (and maybe external) to be perfect every time. We will psych ourselves out thinking about it: "It's been great everytime , for years ... but maybe, maybe this is the time I fail to please her ...!". Porn? It's the entire aisle of the grocery store for his choosing, no rejection, no judgement ... whatever catches his eye - and in the fantasy, he is perfection everytime! He doesn't really want to screw the babysitter, his college professor or his mom, it doesn't matter the particular catagory of porn - redhead, threesome, on a boat with a midget - no, he isn't wishing it was you. That is fantasy, where he is AMAZING in bed, satisfies his lover totally and there is no commitment or responsibility. What he watches he isn't comparing you to it, he is fantasizing about himself as the star. It's easy.

That's my take on it.