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I can’t handle this any longer, but I love him...
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No offense, but I hate that I’m having to post here. I’ve tried so hard and I just can’t seem to get anything to change.

I [24M] and my partner [27M] have been in a relationship for roughly 5 years. We love each other and want to be together. There’s no questioning that. However, I’m at my wits end with our intimacy issues. The first year or so was fine. I’ve caught him talking to other guys before in the past, and honestly that still stings sometimes, but I’ve mostly worked through it and I know he hasn’t talked to anyone since then. I consider us past that. The only part of it that I can’t let go of is that he has no interest in me.

We rarely have sex and frankly I’m lucky if I get a handjob. It’s been about 3-4 years of this. He leaves me hanging all of the time. We never make out. Only pecks. I’d say that we do something sexual once maybe twice per month at most. [yes, I’ve been tracking, it’s sad I know]

We’ve talked about it before and it never seems to go well. I either call him out on it then and there, or ask to discuss it later, or sometimes make a small comment about it, and he just gets sad and I get frustrated because he quickly proceeds to shut down.

I feel for him because he has conditions (hemorrhoids or something) that make it difficult for him to have sex sometimes. And he has a long standing condition of DE. I’ve tried to be as patient as I can throughout our relationship, but I just feel like I can’t take it anymore. Even with his conditions he could still reciprocate orally, or even at least ATTEMPT to initiate something.

I feel like we’re partners, but we’re not intimate partners. I love him, but I really resent him for always leaving me hanging. I’ve lost confidence because of it and it honestly hurts my feelings every time he won’t open his lips to make out and then makes some excuse to leave the room.

I feel shameful of myself for putting this pressure on him, because besides this he’s a fantastic partner and I truly love him. I wish I didn’t have this desire to have passionate and frequent sex. It’s caused nothing but problems, but I just can’t stop letting myself feel what I feel. I’m willing to work through it, but I just have no idea what to do anymore.

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Posted
4 years ago