Damn. I was really hoping I wouldn't come back here. Ten months ago I said "goodbye" to this sub. Things weren't great, but I felt somewhat OK with the hand I had been dealt.

But last night my wife drops a bomb. And I don't think I can even repeat what she said because it felt unreal as she was talking - like I was in a bad dream. She tried not to be hurtful. She just wanted to be honest. But, in short, there will be no more sex indefinitely, not even "duty sex." Moreover, I'm not to touch her with any sort of affection. From now on we're only to focus on raising our kids.

Damn. I know a lot of people (in the past and probably now) think it's best to just leave. Please don't tell me that. I've heard it all, and that's just not going to happen. I've committed myself to being there for my kids, with only a small escape clause in the highly improbable case where I find my "lobster" (google that and "Friends" if you don't get the reference). And as hard as it may be to believe, the kids are happy and entirely oblivious.

I thought about bringing up the idea of an open marriage, but I figured that would be adding fuel to the fire, so I didn't. I wanted to sleep on it, think things over, and carefully come up with some next steps.

My tentative conclusion so far is to sign up for some dating websites and/or apps. I think the idea of being stuck in a relationship like this my whole life really scares me to death.

I'm usually an optimist, and, yeah, things could change. Maybe if she has less/no self-applied pressure to be a wife/lover, then ...?

But, I also believe in the statement "Hope for the best and prepare for the worst." And I guess that's where I am right now.

Damn. Thanks for hearing me out. I needed to get this off my chest. This has been a rough week and month for me.