I've been frustrated, angry, depressed, etc. for a number of years now because of my DB. My SO hears me, she knows it bothers me. She knows how important sex and sexuality is to me. We have talked openly about it. She sees first hand how upset I am when she pushes me away again and again.

And she tries. She really tries to make an effort to have sex more often. We actually made it up to the 2 or 3 times a month level in the past year. But it was tough for her to keep up that pace when she just wasn't in to it. We went through a long dry spell, but she's trying again.

When we first got together the sex was incredible. Back in the good ol' days she was all over me. We had sex most days, sometimes 6 times in a week. We would have sex everywhere in our house. We played sex games, watched porn together, etc. She got turned on! She enjoyed it. It was often her idea. When we were out and about together she would look at me and I could see the passion in her eyes and I could feel it when she touched me.

The thing about it remember is that it was me that turned her on. She wanted me. She REALLY wanted me.

The slide started after our first kid was born. It got worse after the 2nd. Now that we have 3 kids there's not much further to fall. Now when she touches me it's flat. There's no electricity there anymore. She is very affectionate with me, but not passionate. She loves me, but doesn't want me. When she does muster the energy to get through having sex I can tell it's a chore for her. The same woman who used to beg me not to stop now asks me to hurry up with it.

And, I get it, you know? I get it that we're not kids anymore. We have jobs, 3 children, 2 houses to manage. It's hard to be excited and turned on with me while we stress that there's not enough money, or not enough time or too much to do, etc., etc., etc. How can I expect her to want to escape with me into a passionate trance when we just sat through paying bills and disciplining kids? I get it. Life is exhausting. Even I don't want to have sex EVERY day. But if we're still doing this thing, this life together, this relationship, this marriage . . . whatever we're calling it . . . then shouldn't we be doing it for the same reasons we started it? Shouldn't we still feel the same way about each other?

I know I still feel that same way about her. She is amazing. She's hilarious. She is gorgeous. I'm just as crazy about her as I have ever been. So, it's not me that's the problem. Right?

But somewhere in the back of my mind I have to think that she's still a human being and she has to want to have sex sometimes, with somebody. Right? Then, of course, that thought leads me to think . . . Is she just no longer attracted to me? And, Is there some other guy that could make her want him as much as she used to want me?

I mean, I'm not the guy I once was, physically at least. I'm fatter, I'm slower, my knees hurt, my back is stiff, I wear these hideous reading glasses. I may have changed on the outside, but I still feel about her the way I always have.

Come to think of it . . . maybe we were never the perfect match for each other. I'm not the hard-rock guitar player that she always fantasized about being with. I used to have a higher profile in town and was involved and in charge of a bunch of things. I did stuff. It got her attention back then . . . and I kept her attention. Ironically, I pulled back from being involved as we started having babies and gave it up entirely so I could be home as much as possible. Now the only thing I'm in charge of is cleaning the kitchen after dinner.

But we were so awesome as a couple. We laughed all the time. We still laugh all the time. We have fun together. I have never known another woman who can make me laugh like she can. We see the world the same way, we have the same sense of home, of family, of decency, of community and all of that. Almost from the minute we first had a conversation together we have been 100% comfortable with each other. In fact, every time we're together it's like we're still continuing that same conversation that we started the day we met. We have never stopped being in love. We're still pretty awesome.

We just stopped having sex.

Maybe it's me.

For years I've been angry and upset with her for not having sex with me and I blamed her for it. (I didn't change!) But maybe it is me. Maybe life has sucked my passion from me. Maybe I don't turn her on because I'm not passionate about life the way I used to be that made her feel like she wanted in on some of that. Maybe I'm not exciting. Maybe I should tell her that she should find that excitement that made her so crazy about me somewhere where it still exists. Maybe she could feel that way again.

. . .

I don't know how I'd feel about it if the answer was, yes, she could feel that way again with a different man, but I gotta think that I'd rather see her passionate for somebody than continue to not feel anything.

. . .

Maybe.