I feel like, even though this might not be the place to post this, there are a lot of similar situations in here...

This is just NOT something that you can talk about to the people who know you... to the people who love you.

As far as EVERYONE is concerned, my wife and I are the PERFECT couple. We work together, we play together, we do EVERYTHING together. "Two peas in a pod."These are things I have been told, by my friends, colleagues, even my Children.

"OMG I would give ANYTHING to have your guys' relationship. I can't find ANYONE to love me like the two of you love each other..."

"For most people, 20 years of marriage is a milestone to be celebrated.. For you guys.. it's just a speed bump!"

"I'm so glad you and mom have each other, and you guys set the bar REAL high. I dont think any of us are going to be able to comfortable in our marriages because we've had you guys to gauge our relationships by Ha Ha!"

"If you and mom can't make it... what hope do ANY of the rest of us have?"

"I couldn't be around my SO/BF/ETC every day of my life.. I NEED that Separation. I need Boys night/Girls Night. What you guys have is AWESOME!"

I can tell you. It IS amazing being married to your best friend.. to have a "Partner in crime" for life. But I cannot tell you HOW FUCKING LONELY it is when you've been friend-zoned by your spouse. Yeah, I get to go out to dinner with her, shopping, I help pick out her outfits because I KNOW what looks good on her. I get to travel with her, work with her, I get to do EVERYTHING with her... Except for being intimate.

That's.. Just... GONE. And I guess, looking back... it's been gone a LONG time. I wont go into the sordid details... I think it's still in my post history if anyone cares to try and understand...

But it's a lonely place when you can't talk to ANYONE about it. If something were to happen to our marraige, it would be SCANDALOUS. The sheer amount of people who would just be, like, DUMBFOUNDED is something that im not relishing dealing with. The CONSTANT barrage of "Holy shit, Bro... WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED? You guys were SO FUCKING HAPPY.." I don't know that I could take it.

This past year has made me look at myself in ways I've never had to. To calm down certain aspects of my being, to change certain things, and to make myself better. To make myself the best person "I" can be. To confront the problems I have been hiding from and ignoring for SO long. It's a LONELY fucking road... because now my wife (Who HATES talking about it) sees that I'm becoming a better person, both physically and mentally, and I think the's envious about it.. BITTER about it.

I just wish.. for one Day.. I could talk to those people closest to me and, without judgement, tell them that this shit SUCKS.

​

Thank you for listening to me rant.