Background: Married 23 years, I always THOUGHT happily. Last year, I found out my wife had been texting/calling other guys. She denied everything, and only admitted to it when I obtained proof. We talked earlier this year, and I demanded she stop talking to other guys, and she said it wasn't a Her and THEM problem, it was a Her and ME problem. I went through a huge bout of Depression, and fought with myself daily for 2 months before I finally filed divorce papers. It wasn't what I wanted, but I felt that it was what I needed. When I dropped the information on her, she seemed Devastated. We talked all night about it. She said she Loved me, and that I was an AMAZING partner. She said she still found me attractive, that I was her best friend, and that she still loved me... But that she, for some reason, had ZERO Sexual attraction toward me anymore. She told me that I NEVER Initiate Sex. While that may be true, most of it is out of respect (at least that's what i FEEL) She has Chronic Migraines, Sometimes has 2 Periods a month so has horrible cramps half of the month. I guess I stopped initiating it years ago, half because I didn't want to try and "force" her to have sex with me if she wasn't feeling well and half to protect myself from being turned down.

For the better part of the past 12-15 years, we weren't having sex but once or twice a month. We had two little kids who were always knocking at our door if it was closed/locked, and my wife had become very self conscious of herself after having 2 kids back to back. I have never NOT found her attractive, and have tried to reinforce that at every turn. I would book Hotel rooms just to Try and get some privacy/intimacy to try and boost that part of our life.

We've BOTH declined a little bit physically over the past 23 years, so I took the opportunity to try and change that. I started going to the Gym (for the first time since High School, unfortunately) 4 or 5 days a week. Then, I cut the Gym back to 2 or 3 days a week, and Joined a Martial Arts studio 2 or 3 days a week. I also went to my Physician for a physical and asked him to check my testosterone levels, fearing that maybe I had a low T count, trying to fix ANYTHING on my end. I feel better than I have in a LONG time... But it hasn't changed things at home. My wife has been hanging out with me more... But there has been ZERO movement in the bedroom.

I have since stopped divorce proceedings, pending trying to fix SOMETHING. I have suggested Counseling, but my wife doesn't want to go (When she was in High School, she voluntarily admitted herself into a Facility after getting pregnant at 16 with a violently abusive boyfriend. And is since "mistrustful" of Therapists... For what reason, I do not know).

So as of now, I feel stuck. I love hanging out with her. She has started becoming more "playful".. Play fighting with me, which comes across as Flirty. She smacks my ass occasionally when I walk by. I have tried to Initiate SOME sort of contact DAILY. She doesn't respond in any way to show that her feelings about me have changed. I guess I'm just confused, frustrated, maybe depressed. I was turned onto this reddit by someone I had been talking to online, and while ALL of these situations suck... It's a little comforting to know I'm not alone.