This week has been a fucking shit show. We went to therapy on Monday, and then she started in on the i want kids kick. I'm still processing and dealing with the trust and betrayal issues that stem from her lack of intimacy and her lack of wanting me. We went to dinner that night and we discussed an open marriage, which I know she only brought up because she wants kids and was using that to get me to give them to her. I love her and I want kids too, and I wanted kids with her, but this lack of intimacy thing was stopping me.

I didn't realize how fucked up my head was until I got up yesterday. Man, was it fucking with my head. I was in a mood all day yesterday and today and the writing was just in the wall at that point, so she called me on something unrelated and at that point, I told her I think we should talk. We both cried a lot as I still very much love her, but I told her that we are trying to fix something that isn't broken...she has a very low sex drive and I have a very high sex drive... But that doesn't mean either of us are broken. We are just different people.

This is fucking hard. I'm sitting in my office in my basement writing this and while I feel okay about it as a whole, it's fucking depressing. We own a house together but have no kids, I'm not on the mortgage... She's always been a very calm, cool and collected type of person; it's one of her many admirable qualities... And she's not looking to put me through the ringer, nor am I looking to do that to her. We agreed to sort through the finances, she'll help me find health insurance as she provides that for me now, and we will move on and call it a day...

I'm terrified and excited about this brave new world lol