My wife (40/LL) and I (42/HL) have been married for 11 1/2 years. In December 2017 she had a partial hysterectomy due to fibroids that were causing her problems. She was told that recovery on average should take around 6 weeks to three months, but she's had continuous problems up to as soon as 2 weeks ago, including multiple infections, a fistula that needed surgery to repair, etc. Honestly, she's been through hell and I commend her for going through all this as strongly as she has, because her job includes a lot of travel, and she's pushed through it all like a trooper. I run the household - laundry, cooking, cleaning, overseeing our daughter's homework, etc., and not just through all of this. We've run the household this way throughout our marriage.

Through the past year, working around her travel schedule and her recovery has been murder on our sex life... even though, to be honest, it wasn't that great before the problems started that led her to choose the hysterectomy. Before all this, there was an ebb and flow to our sex life - it varied from as frequently as twice per week to as infrequently as once every 3 months.

As time has gone on, I've been considering just not asking anymore. I don't want to divorce my wife, since I love her very much and everything else is going very well. We are affectionate, we communicate well, and we're very supportive of each other. But when she rejects me, for WHATEVER reason,, my depression and anxiety push me into a shame spiral that destroy me emotionally. And I admit that I'm not the best at opening up when I feel slighted. Sometimes, my depression leads me to believe I'm not worth thing up how all this makes me feel... especially since she's dealing with so much, I feel selfish and keep it all to myself. I'm seeing a therapist on a weekly basis to help me with these issues.

Sometimes it seems like something keeps getting in the way. And I don't just mean how she is feeling on a day to day basis. Admitted, often she's either tired or just not in the mood, and that's totally understandable. However, there are some other extenuating circumstances as well. She made the decision to get two new piercings on her recent birthday. Because of them, she has had to sleep on her right side only in bed, facing away from me. So, no cuddling other than spooning (which is an issue for me because the closeness to her body (and certain parts of it) during spooning causes me intense erections), and no PIV sex alternatives because they would cause her to roll over onto her left side and possibly cause problems with one of her new piercings.

Can you guys possibly help me form this into the most respectful statement possible? I want to let her know that my libido is increasing, my attraction for her is increasing, and I'm having difficulty not taking her rejections personally and going down an emotional spiral of feeling unattractive and worthless. I want her to know that I'm not going to approach her for sex anymore but I'm not rejecting her; I just don't want to pressure her. But I want her to get to a place where she wants it and is willing to initiate. I feel like I'm the one mostly initiating and waiting for a green light, and those rejections feel like an anvil on my heart. So whether PIV sex, oral (which I haven't received since September 2016 so I'm not holding my breath), or HJs, I just want her to be the one to get things started for once. I'm a place where I'm trying not to be spiteful but I want to ut the proverbial "ball in her court".

What do you guys think?