This is to all the young HL without children: GET OUT...the rest of you should get out too but I can only speak to my own experience...

I am 25F. I was in a DB with someone who claimed to be HL but would withhold sex/certain sex acts when he knew he was wrong (e.g. had planned to have a "special night" and he stays late drinking with coworkers then picks a fight surrounded by all the pillows and candles I had set out...)

My ex pulled the plug but I was already crafting an exit strategy.

Currently seeing 25M HL. He's recently divorced and also out of a DB...except he does have a kid (i.e. no excuses...you can make a separation work easier than a shitty marriage). His ex also pulled the plug.

Anyway the praise I get is spectacular! Best he's ever had? I'll take it 😍😍

I didn't come here to brag about the sex we have, but instead about the communication we have. Coming out of a DB I have a lot of anxiety about my performance. This time is was blowjobs in particular. I became obsessed with timing them with my ex. New lover apologized for going too long and I said something about how it was only halfway to my breaking point (me and lover were at 8 min, longest I went with ex was 17 min without a single moan or peep of praise...that should have been a bigger fight).

Anyhoo I told him. Instead of keeping it in, I told him. Coming from a DB himself, he was unfazed; he just kept praising.

TL;DR Get out when/if you can, there is sex after DB, and if you get lucky and find someone else out of a DB, certain performance anxieties will be more easily communicated and sourmounted.