I am a female and I am really young to have this situation. I'm not even an adult. My boyfriend is though (we're like 6 months apart so don't panic or anything). He and I have always had some issues with him giving and me receiving and its a long, probably boring to you, story. Basically the reciprocation was probably at best 40-60 or 30-70 (myself being the lower of the two numbers. Although not ideal, this never really bothered me all that much. Then the numbers started changing and I started receiving a lot less. I'm classifying receiving, at this point, as any sort of real sexual stimulation, i.e touching my body, kissing my neck and chest and stomach etc, massages, oral, fingering, and other things of the same sort. At some point the receiving stopped completely. I went about 2 months being so sexually frustrated, I could have died. I was having a lot of sex but it wasn't enough because there was little to no foreplay on my body. I sort of felt like a sex slave after a while. Then my boyfriend asked if he could eat me out, touch me, etc and I said no. I was so insecure about myself, because there's obviously a reason he stopped, and honestly I felt like he didn't deserve it. He never really complained. Finally, after quite some time, I caved and I asked him to resume all of that sexual stimulation. It was amazing for like 2 weeks and then the usual routine set in of not receiving much of anything. Again, it plummets your self esteem drastically, especially when you're hopes are so high. After a few weeks, maybe a month or two of not receiving, he would ask again and I would deny him, again. This continued until I couldn't take it anymore and the cycle would repeat. Each time we would fall back into that routine of it being all about him, and I would recede further back into myself to the point where I think I'm scarred now. Recently I decided to dig myself out of this hole and try again. The same thing happened. A week or two of pure bliss and then crash,burn,die. It isn't like I didn't reciprocate during that time either, the reciprocation just went back up to 40-60 or 30-70. After this I blew up at him and I just went on a rampage about what has been going on for the past year or so and how insecure I am and how badly I feel about everything and how I just don't understand. I haven't gained weight and I keep myself very clean and I shave every time I see him/ as often as possible. And I'm done. He asked to fix this issue and to make me happy and to give and all of the things I'm looking for. I said no and denied him because I feel as if we'll fall right back into that pattern and each time my mentality gets worse. It's easier to pretend he isn't pleasuring me because I've told him no than it is to know he isn't pleasuring me because he doesn't want to. I love him so much and I realize that this isn't an accurate representation of who he is, this is just in the bedroom. So I'm not going to break up with him, at least not now. But from an outsider opinion, am I making the correct choice? Should I try again? Or should I just stay in my hole?

Edit: none of you really answered my question other than telling me to get rid of him. Thank you but I wanted tools to get over this.