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I (46HLM) was asked the other day by my (38 LLF) wife of 16 years, “what’s wrong?”
She knows what’s wrong.
Our sex life has been less than stellar for years.
Small incremental improvements here and there, but always returns to baseline (duty sex every 1-2 months), and only after I say something.
I realized the other day this dysfunctional cycle we’ve been creating together: we don’t have sex (or any intimacy, really: no hugs, kissing, cuddles) for a month or so. She senses my frustration, and we have duty sex. I don’t want obligatory sex bc she can tell I’m sexually frustrated. I want her to want me.
I decided it’s time to get off this merry go round. And at least stop this unhealthy cycle.
So she asks what’s wrong (she knows), and I give her some bullshit line about work stress, apologize (I know, I know), and tell her I’ll be better, less moody.
Because my thinking is: why tell her (again!). It won’t change anything, and once I put the cards on the table then it will be duty sex time.
But there’s a part of me that thinks I should be honest. In a calm, compassionate way. But she asked. I would want the truth from her. She deserves the same.
Thoughts?
Thanks in advance, this sub is a life saver some days 😊
The amount of times I thought my husband must know why I am upset and then him acting all surprised and shocked about the "real reason" for my mood (not sex related ) when I decided to tell him are numerous. Tell her the truth. The real truth. She's not a mind-reader If someone is LL they don't have the desire or the need for intimacy . They therefore lack the understanding of the frustration. It's not on their list and they forget about it. As you said it's a task they just ✅ from time to time to then be left alone. I bet if you don't initiate it, they'll be ok with no sex for months. I was LL. I know how annoying it was for me.
But also know the Libido is driven by hormones. - I was on the pill at that time which suppressed the libido in me by a huge huge amount. Contraception should help us to not get pregnant, but it's killing the mood too. The worst was the hormone injections that made me not have sex for 3 month. I was so dead inside that even I noticed it. - I didn't really have a great orgasm at that time ( in hindsight). I didn't even know how, so it wasn't anything that I craved. - she might also be low on testosterone. Remember women usually only have 5 % of the amount that men have.
I just googled GHK-Cu peptide. You are a great supportive spouse. You can Google YouTube videos on Estrogen creme that is usually prescribed under HRT for the vagina and gives great results on the face. She's getting wrinkles because her hormones are declining. Maybe her vanity helps her getting on board.
And you're right. I'm a woman and I enjoy everything your wife claims no woman enjoys.
Totally understand this. I'm on HRT (includes Testosterone) too and it's been a life changer. Wouldn't want to go back either, but also can't wait till my Partner gets on TRT. We have to wait months for his appointment.
For your wife: HRT and TRT don't just regulate the libido. They affect longevity and a huge amount of illnesses. Cardiovascular diseases, healing, inflammation of any joints, diabetes, osteoporosis, prostate cancer (they prevent it) and numerous other things. Giving energy, weight gain/loss, better the mood, better for sleep. It's huge. I wish everyone would get it and be properly informed about its benefits. Andropause in men is as real as menopause in women. The old "accept your age with grace" bs needs to end
Yes I am a mum. I can understand your wife's reasoning. My kids are teens now. Mum isn't cool anymore and especially mine are very independent. When they were younger , I had so many things to keep in mind and their constant need for my attention just drained me. I didn't know I was struggling with ADHD back then either. So come evening I was regularly burnt out. I didn't want to be needed or touched and my spouse "needing sex" felt like another task and not anything joyful to me. But again I also was LL back then due to contraception killing my libido. So of course sex wasn't high on my list. My kids still haven't reached legal age and I am even more exhausted due to my other challenges now. With HRT though my libido went through the roof. And sex is on my mind 24/7 🙈🤭 now
I'm so sorry for your situation. Then I can be glad that mine stay in their rooms and don't go out that often or arrange with their friends that we only have to drive once and the other parents take the other drive.
HRT isn't just meant for libido. Google it. Same goes btw for the male Andropause. It's as true and a thing as Peri-/ Menopause. As soon as we hit 35/40 our body decreases our hormones which handle basically everything in our body. We get more tired, more inflammation, heal not so fast, get insulin resistant, gain weight, get wrinkles, lose muscle, our cardiovascular system gets worse (why else do you think heart attacks are common after 40 in men?), we age.......so so so many more things. Just Google it. You can share this without even sharing sex or libido with your wife.
And no English isn't my first language at all and since I have friends in the UK, Australia and America I don't even know when to use mum or mom 😂. So I just go with the flow and they still understand what I mean 😉
Thank you for the compliment 😊. I am sorry for your situation. It truly sucks and I really don't know what else to say. You have my sympathy.
What do you mean by the last part? You want to be a highly attractive straight woman 🤭? Every pot will find its lid. What do you not like about yourself?
Well I guess you would be surprised. After 40 you have to presume that people have been in relationships and that kids are present. Don't you think that there are women out there coming from loveless relationships and desperately seeking a nice guy with HL to start a new relationship with?
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You're very welcome. Throw in hair loss with no estrogen too. Social media is full of it nowadays. Good luck 🤞🏼. But be adamant that Testo helps with youthful energy too 😉.
I just listened to a podcast talking about exactly this. Here show it to her https://youtu.be/gTsxFIPJqn4?si=tHVwDBgUdZ9P0O-n