I'm a 25 year old guy in a semi-dead bedroom for 3 years. Before this relationship I used to get flirted with fairly often, I had a slew of fwbs and got hundreds of matches on Tinder. I had a couple really traumatic short term relationships and I decided to cut out sleeping around because I couldn't handle the consequences.

I got into a relationship with a girl who was really kind & stable but we had no passion and no interpersonal connection. She barely talked for the first 6 months of us dating. But she didn't rage at me or nag me, she liked to go to concerts together, was sweet over text and that was enough to be a keeper at the time. I wanted a change

I realized early on that she never initiated, but when I brought it up she just said she had trauma and I needed to be patient and stop asking about it. So I waited 2 years

2 years where she said "ew" and pulled away from my kisses, pushed away all my hugs, acted like I was a sex fiend for wanting her, and refused to go to therapy. I began to start feeling totally worthless and unnattractive. All the confidence I had before her was basically gone

I've been going to the gym for the last 1.5 years and that helped a bit. I am in better shape than I've probably ever been, but because there's no one to appreciate it it feels pointless sometimes

I've started losing my hair, it's receding and thinning pretty bad (probably because of stress) and it was one of my main things people found attractive so it's a double blow

My gf finally started going to therapy but I honestly don't want her anymore and feel nothing but resentment and pity. She's gained 80lbs and refuses to go to the gym with me. I tried to leave and she said she would kill herself so I stayed

Last week I demanded we go to couples counseling and to my suprise she agreed. She's trying to be more sexual but she still never initiates besides making sexual jokes and when we actually have sex it's me doing all the movement. She doesn't kiss or anything

She's being more affectionate as far as hugging / hand holding but it's still just not a match between the two of us. Something always feels off. But I've been in therapy for years now and still can't get myself to leave. Something is messed up inside me that I can't put myself first or that I can't find a better partner

So anyways I'm going to see how couples counseling goes but I really need help getting my confidence back up. I'm gonna continue working out and also working on my band, career, and other hobbies

It just all seems self defeating cause even when other women seem attracted to me I just have to turn them down anyway. I try to just focus on myself but it's so sad feeling like I've given up a huge part of my life

TL;DR

Gf didn't touch me and constantly pushed me away for 2 years due to trauma. I had my own trauma so I put up with it cause she was calm otherwise

I used to be confident and get tons of dates. Now I feel like a shell of myself and don't like to look in the mirror. I'm losing my hair which makes it worse

My gf is doing better but still not where I need and the lack of feeling wanted is so crippling sometimes. I'm going to the gym & working on my passions but how can I feel confident again?