I'll preface this by saying I do not want to share too many specific details, because my partner also has reddit. I'll say this. We are both in our mid 20s and have been together for nearly 10 years. About a year or so ago, my partner started medication that negatively impacted her libido. We went from having sex twice a week to more like twice a month. And eventually down to once a month. She eventually quit this medication, but it seems to have had lasting effects. We are lucky to be intimate once a month now. I know this is not nearly as bad as some of you have it, but this is still enough to impact me emotionally.

I just don't feel desired at all anymore. We've had several conversations about it, and she always claims that it's not anything to do with me. It's either stress, or she's tired, or she has a headache. We've tried scheduling it (this is a terrible idea as it seems to put more pressure on her, making her less likely to be in the mood). I once decided to not initiate, which lead to us not having sex for 3 months. I just don't know what to do anymore. She's very understanding of my needs, but I get tired of pity handjobs. I don't want to just get off. I want to make love. I want caress and kiss the woman I'm in love with. And I want to feel like that woman wants me back. But the times we do have sex, it feels like it's a chore. She never seems like she's really in the mood. It seems like she does it just to check it off the list for the month and keep me happy. But I'm not happy. I feel isolated. I feel undesired.

I have made every effort to work with her. Between both of our jobs, sometimes our schedules don't sinc up, which is totally understandable. But if the excuse is that she's too tired, or it's too late, how is it that when I clear up an entire afternoon to spend time with her, cuddle, watch movies, lay in bed, that NOTHING ever happens? I just wish she wanted me like she used to. In all honesty, it's not even the physical act of sex that I want. I just want to be craved. To be lusted for. I want her to look at me like she used to. I miss seeing the desire in her eyes. I miss being touched and caressed sensually. I could go months without sex, I just want her to feel the same way about me that I do her. But I don't know if I'll ever have that again. I love this woman with all my heart, which is why this hurts so...so much.

I don't think my bedroom is dead yet... but it's definitely on life support. And I'm going to be honest, I feel like I'm the only one keeping it alive. And it's exhausting. So I'm at a point where I feel like I just wanna pull the plug. Quit initiating entirely. I know what will happen if I do... nothing. But the thing is, I'm tired of the pity sex and handjobs. I want to be desired. And if she desires me, she will come to me. The endless rejection gets old. And destroys my confidence. Can't lose if you don't play the game, right?