Hi everyone,
I'm feeling really lost and frustrated right now and just need to vent. For some background: I (F46) have been married to my husband (M48) for 16 years, and we’ve always had a good relationship overall. We met young and have always had a solid emotional connection, but for the past year or so, things have been changing in the bedroom, and I’m really struggling with it.

Lately, I’ve been feeling completely invisible when it comes to intimacy. My husband is incredibly driven at work, which I understand and respect—he’s passionate about his career, and it’s something that has always been a big part of his identity. But the problem is, his work has slowly consumed him to the point where we barely have any quality time together anymore. I don’t mean just not having time to go out on dates—I'm talking about in the bedroom. We’ve gone from having a regular, intimate connection to barely anything at all.

At first, I tried to be understanding, but after months of it, I can't help but feel neglected and rejected. He works long hours and often comes home exhausted, and I’ve noticed that when he does have free time, it’s consumed by either work-related thoughts or him zoning out in front of the TV or his phone. I’ve tried initiating sex or even just asking for some physical affection—like holding hands or cuddling—but more often than not, I’m met with excuses or an exhausted, “I’m too tired tonight.”

I’ve made it clear to him how much this lack of attention is affecting me, emotionally and physically. I’ve told him I feel like I’m not a priority anymore, but the conversation doesn’t seem to make much of a difference. He’s apologetic but then seems to forget about it a few days later when work takes over again. It’s like I’m the last thing on his mind, and it’s heartbreaking.

I don’t want to come across as demanding or needy, but I miss the connection we used to have. I miss being desired, not just for sex, but for affection, closeness, and intimacy. I feel like we’ve drifted apart, and I’m not sure how to bring us back together. I don’t want to feel like I have to compete with his job for his attention. I don’t want to be that person, but it’s hard not to feel hurt when I see him putting so much energy into everything else except for our relationship.

Has anyone else dealt with a situation like this? How do I communicate my feelings without sounding like a burden? Or am I just being unreasonable in expecting more attention from him, given how hard he works? I’m at a point where I feel like I’ve tried everything, and I’m not sure where to go from here. Any advice or insight would be really appreciated.

Thank you for reading.