I (35F) have been with my partner (34M) since we were 18. We have two older children and plenty of time alone. For the last 5 years or so our sex life has slowly become practically non existent. I thought I was exaggerating how infrequent it was so I started tracking it. This year we’ve had sex 7 times, most of those times were pretty terrible and unfulfilling. We are mostly like best friends, at times purely room mates who share a bed. We don’t kiss other than pecks on the cheek kind of thing, no other physical intimacy. Around 6 years ago we separated for around a year, although did continue to have sex during that time. During our separation, we did couples counselling and he had separate therapy for porn addiction and controlling behaviour. We got back together and all seemed better for a short while. Whilst his behaviour is much less controlling and he’s a much better partner now, our sex life is dwindling into nothing. I can’t help but think this was my fault. I strongly encouraged him to seek help for his porn addiction and his attitude towards sex. He used to have a high sex drive and would ignore me for days at a time if we didn’t have sex when he wanted to, or would pick a fight with me intentionally. I felt like he used me for what he wanted but that I was completely replaceable, he didn’t want sex with me, he just wanted sex. The porn addiction was just soul destroying. He would spend hours in the bathroom on a daily basis watching porn, ignoring our children and me, making us late for things etc. I thought getting help would be the right thing to do. The situation now I wouldn’t say is better. I want sex, I always have done, it wasn’t a case of me withholding it or using it against him. Is he doing this as punishment even if it’s unconsciously? Did I mentally scar him? I suspect he still has a porn addiction, something he strongly denies. He says he doesn’t have any ‘alone’ time anymore either. He says he loves me and finds me attractive but he doesn’t get aroused even if we actively try to have sex, other than every 2 months or so. He won’t go to a doctor about possible low testosterone so I feel stuck. I feel horrid about myself. My friends tell me I’m a catch and that he is lucky to have me. I try and limit how much he sees me with no makeup on and always do my hair, thinking that might help. But all it’s doing is destroying my self esteem. I appreciate I’m not exactly young but I think I’m too young to live in a sexless relationship like this. We’ve had conversations about it but we never make any progress and I’m running out of patience. I don’t know where to go from here.