Been off and on here over the years. HLM, LLF. Married for ten years, now processing a divorce. Two kids. Complete DB for 1 and 1/2 years. Walkway wife scenario, counseling was a complete failure. Currently residing in the guest bedroom while financially supporting the family.

A few notes:

• When the LL pulls away, take action immediately. Don't accept vague reasons or answers, get to the bottom of the issue any way you can. If I had pushed counseling years ago this wouldn't be happening, maybe. Once they start to withdraw your timeframe is incredibly limited.

• be curious about their issues, and try not to blame them. I acted out of defense for a long time to very damaging results.

• on the flip side, don't just accept blame. Whatever the issues are, they are absolutely NOT all your fault. We all have failings but a relationship is a two way street. Don't let them deflect their lack of accountability towards you.

• NEVER move out of the bedroom. I did because I couldn't take being so close to someone so far away from me. Big mistake, she has her own little world and couldn't be happier. She can masturbate whenever and however she wants while I am right down the hall alone. Take up space, let them be the one to leave the marital bed.

• Know when it's time to go. And when it is, take care of yourself. Get counseling, surround yourself with support , don't let your relationship with intimacy be ruined. You deserve to be happy, loved and DESIRED.

  I know that I am an attractive and successful man who can now move forward with confidence into the next part of life, but it took a lot to get there. We are all here on this sub because we need to connect. It's not about sex, really. That's a huge element, but it's really about being seen, and accepted. So for all of you, someone out there will be and do all of the things you want, it will happen. And when it does, nurture it so that it lasts.