Quick Context: I'm (HLM37) currently separated from my wife (LLF34), who I've been married to for 9 years, together 12. This decision to separate was one sided on my end due to her not prioritizing the relationship and other things I asked her for (having any relationship with my family, not working so much, etc).

One thing that has consistently been an issue the last 9 years is our intimacy levels being mismatched. Like many people here, the first two years were great. We were both happy with our sex life (2-3x a week) and things were good in that area. I suppose that's the magic of the honeymoon phase as things started to slip when we got engaged. Typical life stuff I could brush off like work responsibilities, life stresses, etc. for why our sex life isn't what it was. I also realized passions and feelings ebb and flow.

The years passed, and we had our issues like everyone else until recently when I decided to separate and move out.

NOW, here's the entire point of this post - deadbedrooms are a SYMPTOM of something else. In my situation, my wife is a working juggernaut. She crushes her job and makes a lot of money. The unfortunate piece of that is it comes at the cost of our relationship - sex life included. She doesn't think too much of our sex life (or our relationship, for that matter) because she loves what she does and constantly thinks about that, and, most importantly, WANTS to prioritize her work and job.

I've been on this sub for years because I could empathize with so many people posting. People asking why the passion is gone, why the intimacy disappeared, how can they get back? People will change everything about themselves before they accept their partner will change.

I have come to believe solving whatever core issue is in people's relationships will help solve the dead bedroom problem. Sex is a byproduct of people wanting each other. It's a byproduct of people *craving* each other. We've all read the posts about partners doing duty sex - its a fate worse than no sex IMO. I truly believe if you can figure out what the core issue is in your relationship, you will have a clearer path to what it is that can fix your dead bedroom.