I [42 HLM] got up to let her [38 LLF] by, she brushed against me a little too long so I grabbed her and kissed her and nothing. She stood stock still like I was some random stranger, then wiped her lips and said 'I'm tired, going to bed'

I have this wee book that I write my thoughts in, maybe one day I'll leave it out for her to find. I'm putting a few thoughts from it on here, just for the craic.

I figured out something too the other night, the reason I use reddit and such to chat and occasionally get off is because she won't give me that connection, not just the physical side but the emotional as well.

Ya know what else is strange? I've recently started talking to a gay couple (2 males) they're local to me and they seem so nice and friendly and they keep asking me to come to their house for a smoke. Nothing strange there you say but what's got me is that I'm considering it just to get some attention.

The last few months I've been swinging between trying to make it work and just dropping the lot, but there's kids to consider and honestly I just feel like if I ended things I'd only be alone anyways. The joys of being a slight introvert.

I smoke weed but I genuinely believe I wouldn't smoke anywhere near as much if she would spend some time with me.

She says she isn't interested in sex, but won't say if that's in general or just with me. I'd like to know because if it's me I'm willing to try and change for her because at the end of the day I love her to bits.

(Last one folks. I swear) Every time I try and broach the subject I get shut down, either by changing the subject or turning it into an argument. I'm worried that if nothing changes (however that's to be) the anger will turn into resentment and eventually indifference, and christ knows that'll happen then.

Apologies for the long post. This is just a vent but I may or may not respond to any comment as or messages.