I'm posting this in the hope that someone else sees it, and I can realize that I'm not alone. I feel so isolated, and it's not just the physical aspect of my relationship that's lacking; it's a profound sense of loneliness that can feel overwhelming even when I'm surrounded by people.

I have invested a great deal of energy and effort in pursuing the dream of physical connection, only to find it constantly eluding me. This has become tiring and depressing. I feel myself slowly giving up, and it's as if I'm dying inside.

I haven't had sex in almost 7 years, and I can't remember the last time my partner  hand touched me. About 5 years ago my partner were changing her clothes and I walk by and immediately she covered herself  i felt so embarrassed that day and now i stay away when she's getting ready or taking shower etc. Meanwhile, friends and some customers of mine discuss their amazing sex lives, and I find myself unable to even fantasize anymore. I know that the things others find exciting and fun would be rejected, so there's no point in imagining scenarios that will never come to fruition.

I've come to the realization that I can't do anything right in my relationship or as a parent. The constant criticism from my spouse has taken its toll, leaving me feeling bitter, resentful, and hopeless. My spirit is broken, and I'm running out of words to express the depth of my pain.

Lately, my thoughts have been consumed by questions like, "What does a woman's touch feel like?" or "How comforting would a hug be?" As I ponder these things, I'm reminded of a quote I once read, which says that the most dangerous thing is to be filled with dead peace, to have no yearning, and to endure everything. Life has become a series of motions: leaving home, going to work, and returning, all while feeling like my dreams have died.

I'm glad that intimacy, love, and respect come easily for some people, but sadly, some will spend their lives searching for these things. I'm riddled with regrets, some of which stem from my belief in religious teachings, societal norms, and the lies I told myself. At 42, my partner decided we are too old for sexual relationship. That was 7or 8 yrs ago.

I must admit, I'm not doing well these days. I've gained weight and feel ashamed, as if I'm a failure in every aspect of my life. It's difficult to face the world, and I dread seeing friends who will undoubtedly notice the changes in me.

I wonder if anyone can relate to my story or if I truly am alone in these feelings.