Hey DB,

Long time lurker but first time poster on a throwaway because my family knows my main, but here we go.

I (34M) have been married (30F) for 10 years, pretty much sexless marriage for past 6 years. I’ve spent maybe 1k on all kind of different toys, begged wife to go to therapy with or without me, asked if there’s anything I can do to help with getting in mood, given space, not talked about sex at all, done pretty much everything I could think of and what my therapist suggested.

We don’t have kids, we split expenses based on salaries (I make a little bit more than her, so I’ve paid more which is fine), I’ve done the cooking, I’ve done the cleaning (she’s not the cleanest person, so I pick it up, not a problem), we’ve had dates, we’ve gone on trips, all the good stuff - aside for the lack of sex, everything was perfect.

We’ve tried opening our marriage so I could have sex - she didn’t like it, so closed up. Sex picked up again for a while presumably for fear of losing me (or our situation?) and died down again.

On Friday I brought up that I’m unhappy with the lack of sex and would like for her to be more active in that regard or I would like to fill the need elsewhere. She told me she hates sex, always has hated it and will never again have sex with me or anyone. So I asked if I would have to either be without sex or if we’d have to file for a divorce, she told me we’ll file for a divorce.

I refuse to be married without sex and she refuses to have sex, so tomorrow we will file for divorce on mutual decision. We have built a wonderful life together in the house we’ve bought and our two dogs (one is mine and one is her, but I couldn’t bear splitting them, so she can take both), I’m hurting due to the loss and somewhat terrified, but it is what it is.

If you made it this far, thank you for your time. Just needed to vent because I feel lost.