Does scheduling sex work? I did a search in the group and can’t find the post I was looking for. Someone had posted about scheduling sex and how it worked for them. I was curious to know if it worked or didn’t work for others? What were the pitfalls that made it not work? What were the things that made it work great? Are you still scheduling it or was it just a temp fix?

I’m HLM and my wife LLF (42) been together for 18 years. It’s always been a challenge for us, it was never the “fucked like rabbits” relationship for us. It was consistent, if not often. Now it’s months in between. We had a great discussion over Mother’s Day, that she started, and she said she was going to work on making things better. Sex, as a topic, has always been hard for her, it makes her sick to her stomach to talk about and she never initiates so, the fact that she started the conversation was huge.

We’ve had a few conversations since then. She tells me she wants me but can’t start things nor can she tell me what turns her on. I’ve found out some of my advances go unnoticed because she just didn’t know that’s what it was. When we sleep, I slide my hand under her leg, just to feel her, but when I’m thinking sex might happen, I slowly rub the top of her leg, and around, just slow light foreplay. She didn’t know there was a difference. It’s been things like that, coming out of the few conversations. Which I think is good positive progress. But, it’s has a negative effect on me in that now I tend to over think everything, every gesture she makes every comment about being tied, everything. It’s making it so I can’t initiate anymore. Which is a problem since our entire sex life is dependent on me.

All that to say, that I’ve started thinking about scheduling sex. Not just scheduling it but adding some rules. Like, when it’s scheduled and we go to bed, no iPads, no books, we both get naked and get into bed. That way there’s no confusion on what’s happening. I’m hoping maybe then I can move past the overthinking. I don’t know if it’ll be a long term fix or just a band-aid but I don’t want to lose the few baby steps of progress I think we had.

Thoughts? Thanks!