I’m 26F with a high libido and have a boyfriend (29) with a very low libido.

I feel so broken. I know it’s not necessarily a “me” problem — he’s got a lower libido naturally and takes several meds that really exacerbate that. We have sex maybe once a month, but it’s never satisfying for me, and I’m always focused on trying (trying) to make him feel good — never vice versa. A lot of the time he can’t even finish, and obviously that makes me feel like shit.

All of that really gets to me — I’m a highly sexual individual and crave all kinds of intimacy in a relationship (what a concept!) — but what really makes things worse is that he is, in a sense, a sexual person — just not in our relationship.

We don’t live together yet, and according to him, he masturbates about once, maybe twice a day. Often using porn. He’s very interested by sexual depictions in art, in the media, and often sends me suggestive things. He apparently has a hidden camera roll he calls a “spank bank” with 5k images/videos he finds hot, to remind him of what he’s attracted to, what turns him on. He’s repeatedly suggested he’d like nudes from me, but knowing about this spank bank, I’ve obviously not sent any, not wanting to end up in that hidden camera roll with all those other women.

So he’s sexual, but not really with me. We were fairly intimate at the start, but just because it was a new relationship. Now we’re not. I used to initiate quite often but he’d either reject me (tired, too full, just not in the mood, etc) or we’d have sex for a few minutes before he’d go soft and apologize, and I’d feel like shit. Now I don’t even bother initiating. If I do, it’s really subtle, and he never takes me up on it.

I just feel so broken. I love him, otherwise I truly would not be in this. I just want this to work and I don’t know how. Every conversation we’ve had about this has been unproductive and nothing’s changed as a result. I just don’t know what to do.