Ok I’ll try to keep this brief. I will fail.

TLDR: wife receives orgasms from me whenever she wants. She doesn’t care if I orgasm at all.

First thing you need to know about my wife is that she is completely turned off if she experiences any pain. Does not need to be much, if she feels pain then sexy time is over. It doesn’t even need to be related to the sex, one time she got poked by something left in the bed and she was done.

Wife had bad pregnancy which caused some physical mobility limitations, nothing too bad but stretching or holding a position too long causes pain. Also the doctor who stitched her up after giving birth gave her a “husband stitch” which made sex much more difficult for her since anything but the gentlest sex is painful.

She has a condition that causes the skin on her hands and around her mouth to often but not all the time be over sensitive and it causes pain if touched with anything more than a very gentle touch.

She is going through menopause and all the shit that comes with that.

When she gets mad she says stuff like “how do you expect me to fuck you when your parents are racist assholes” “you just want me to bend over and be your fucking hole that’s all you care about”. Which tells me she wants sex, sees me, then decides to ”not that asshole”. She gets mad a lot.

If I try to initiate sex I am always, ALWAYS, turned down. Often she gets angry when I do. As that doesn’t feel great I don’t try to start anything anymore.
If she initiates it is always a surprise with no warning, signs, or indicators. It is also typically followed by the disclaimer “I probably won’t be up to fucking you tonight”. I can expect her to initiate maybe twice a year.

A sex session typically consists of the following: no kissing or blowjobs (her lips hurt), no using her hands on me (her hands hurt), start off with using my hands and mouth on her. As I have had a lot of practice and instruction in this area I am very confident in this area. I will use my hands and mouth on her for the next two hours making her reach orgasm multiple times (10-30). It is at this point she is either satisfied or wants to have sex. The angle is always difficult as it has to be a very specific angle to not cause pain and no matter how wet she is it can still cause pain very easily. I have to go very slow and very gentle and maintain the proper angle to not cause pain. This is not stimulating for me but I stay hard and give her what she needs to reach orgasm, once it starts she continues having orgasms near continuously until her body is so sensitive she can’t stand to be touched and she curls up in a ball twitching. If I ask for relief she can’t. She can’t even help.

I’ve talked with this about it. Everything has a reason when we talk about it but nothing has a solution. I’m left unsatisfied and frustrated. I feel like I’m not being unreasonable. But all her reasons are stuff you can’t really argue without being an asshole.

I have thought this through but I don’t like my options. If you need clarification or have questions please feel free to ask.