I literally just made a throwaway account for this because I don’t want him to see it lmao. I feel so desperate.

I’m 25F. I never thought this was where I would be right now. It’s been 9 months since we had sex. I just don’t understand why this is happening to me. He promises that he’s attracted to me, and he’s literally amazing in every other way. He promises it will change when our life gets better. I want to marry him and be with him forever, I can’t imagine life with anyone else. He is literally my best friend and I love him more than anyone else in the entire world. No one else gets me. On the flip side of that, I feel disgusting. Subhuman. Repulsive. I’m only 25… everyone else I know that’s my age has sex. Sex is everywhere, everything. It’s music, movies, tv shows, memes, books. everything. I can’t take it. The thought of sex devastates me at this point. At this point I’ve abandoned all interests outside of true crime and video games, because I’m less likely to be caught off-guard by the mention of sex or passion there. I don’t know what to do. Sex used to be so important to me. I have such a high libido, and there is very little I’m not willing to try in the bedroom. I have a praise kink, I would do absolutely anything if it would get him to want me. He calls me beautiful every day, is obsessed with my every move, kisses me constantly, but he will not fuck me. I can’t even bring it up because it makes him feel insecure and sad, and I can’t take that. I’m at a loss and I don’t know what to do. I’m sorry that this was just a bunch of word vomit, but it’s 7 am, I haven’t slept yet, and I’m just sad lol.