My long term dead bedroom relationship ended in Feb this year and recently, within the last few months, I've been enjoying a much more liberated lifestyle. I've got a few friends with benefits and I'm finally realising that my high libido isn't a curse, it's something fun to explore. It's not something I need to be ashamed of or deliberately repress (I used to actively try and repress my sexual thoughts back in the dead bedroom days). I'm getting a crazy amount of attention and compliments from people I'm seeing. It's wild, absolutely exhilarating to be desired again.

And yet all this and I still feel gross. Like physically repulsive and something is wrong with me.

Before each playdate I wash my body over and over and over, scrubbing so much my skin gets agitated and red. Sometimes I stare at myself in the mirror in my underwear for ages wondering what was so wrong with me that my ex partner wouldn't touch me for years. I am so overly concerned with how I look, feel and taste, way more than I ever have been in the past.

All because of the long term psychological damage my ex caused, and of course I was responsible too because I chose not to leave. Maybe easy in our situation as we had no children, but still, thought it'd be worth sharing my experience 7 months out from a dead bedroom (relationship was 8 years long and it was fully dead for 4 years).

7 months out and the psychological affects are still there. If I had known the effects would be so long lasting I would've left sooner. Really hope this helps someone out there, I know I needed to hear it a few years ago.