I (late 40s) and my SO (late 40s) have been married for 2 decades. One kid. Dead bedroom for at least last decade. Maybe more - I just didn’t realize.

She’s LL (for me at least) and we’ve had multiple conversations over the last few years with no change.

Few days back it flared up again, and I told her we’re incompatible as both emotional and physical intimacy is missing. I don’t trust us to make this work as we tried, and not much has changed in last few years. She wanted to put words in my mouth that I wanted a divorce - which I said, is a solution but not what I have decided. I am vocalizing my problem and expect us to find the solution together - and yes, divorce is a solution. I am not saying it as it usually comes across as a threat.

I am not ready to rehash the discussion and actions which were done few years back as I do not have trust it’ll change anything. It impacts me mentally. Maybe more than it should. But it is what it is.

Will be looking up and talking to a therapist to figure out next steps. Divorce is the writing on the wall. However, want to explore if we can try separation and living together under the same roof. Day to day is cordial. We co-parent. Don’t sleep in the same room anyway. I want to be able to look for intimacy (emotional and physical) elsewhere as I am past the point of fooling myself it’ll happen in this relationship. There’s just too much baggage. Not saying I’m not to blame for some of it.

Anyone gone through something similar? Appreciate any tips.