I 44M have been married to my wife 42F for almost 20 years now. We have our ups and downs like any marriage does but overall we've accomplished a lot. We've put a kid through college and are working on putting 2 more through. We've been very successful in our careers and on the outside have the "ideal marriage".

Thats where it stops though, as our sex life has slowly dissolved into non existent for the last 3 years. It wasn't always like this though as we had a very active sex life with both of us initiating and genuinely enjoying it. However, as we grew our family and in our careers I noticed we started to have sex less and less. From once a month, to pity/duty sex, to twice a year, and finally to no sex at all.

I'm just at a loss on what to do. I've tried suggesting counseling, talking to her about it in a judgement and pressure free setting. I've tried speaking to many of her love languages and even planning some vacations just for us. But to no avail unfortunately. It seems no matter where I focus my energy it's all for nothing and that's why I'm here asking for your advice. What would you do differently? Have any of you revived a DB? What would be your next step if you were in my situation?

Thanks for reading if you made it this far :)