I (41 HLM) could tell that today was the one time a month where my wife (39 LLF) had decided that we should have sex. I've been so frustrated with not just the quantity of sexual relations we've had over the last 5-6 years or so, but also the quality. Minimal foreplay, never any oral for either of us, no deep kissing, and so on. Just get hard, do it doggy style for 5 minutes and see you next month.

So after a dinner with friends we return home and she very robotically states, "Ok, let's have sex now." Even though I physically want to (she's beautiful and I love her), I politely decline. She pretends that it doesn't bother her for all of 5 minutes, and then she starts to grill me. "Are you depressed? Are you sad? Do you not find me sexy?" I kept my answers short but still polite, and she just huffed and puffed until I left the bedroom a few minutes later.

Of course when she turns me down 4 times a week, there is never an inquiry. It just makes me sad that our sexual life and desires are so one sided. We are a fit, still young couple but we have the sex life of people 30 years older. Sometimes I'd rather not have sex at all than go through this horrible routine. I know I have it better than many others, but our bedroom is clearly dying.

Maybe I was acting petty by turning her down, but I think I wanted her to just have a small understanding of what it feels like. I want us both to have our needs met and live in a passionate relationship, but my hopes are low that anything will change. I'm not sure if I can, or even want to, turn her down next month. The spiral will continue unless I can get through to her. Sorry for the rant.