And no, this wasn’t a hint for when I got back home! When I got back she was upset saying what a ‘bad wife / mum she was’ - I tried to make her feel better but nothing I said helped.

But why tell me? She even said in the message that she had a headache afterwards (ie I don’t want anything when you get home). If we had a healthy relationship in this regard I’d be cheering her on, but it’s almost like I’m being mocked - like ‘I only get horny when you’re not around’

Now context (there is a lot): she has pretty bad depression, she’s on meds but they don’t really help that much, just stop it spiralling. I got the message when I took the kids out for the day to give her a break - I do this every weekend.

And before I get the obvious suggestion - I do all the cooking, all the laundry, I clean and tidy as best as I can (but frankly can’t keep up with the mess from wife and the kids, but I do my best). I do all the school pick ups and drop offs, drive her where she wants to go. I don’t go out or drink and I am at her service whenever she wants and for whatever she wants. Basically, she wants me to be more like her dad than her husband.

DB is some form of intimacy every 3-5 months and then nothing again.

So yea, genuinely - why tell me, literally as I was 2hrs away trying to keep the kids happy and entertained. What did she want? How was I supposed to respond?