I (44m) am hoping that writing this vent gets me through my annual funk. (I may actually need to give in to myself for going to therapy as well…or at least get medicated again).

About six months ago ago, a medical definition of "sexless marriage" came to my attention and I realized I more than met that definition. I recently found this sub and while reading through some other posts I realized I am not alone in libidinal mismatch. One of the posts I came across brought the idea of radical acceptance to a dead bedroom (I apologize for not remembering who posted it) and I can’t get it out of my head. I don’t know if I’m actually high libido or “simply” higher than my wife (42).... she has been telling me that we are too old for sex since our late-20s/early-30s 🫠. I grew up knowing that sex eventually stopped...it has always just been presented as something associated with menopause rather than "just because"?. Oops 😬

The radical acceptance comes in because it looks like I need to just accept it won't happen or accept that if I want intimacy, I need to get a divorce. I am sure I am missing subtlety with what radical acceptance is, but from what I can tell, it is wholeheartedly, black & white, actions. I don't do well with black & white. I need grey. But I'm not sure that I can continue with grey. And I don't know if I can accept either of the options I am seeing. I know I should be happy & fine. My wife is. My life is... other than wanting sex more than a couple times a year. She will, once every month or so, allow me to go down on her & manually provide an orgasm(s) to her (no reciprocation). But only if she initiates when I'm awake, apparently I've started rejecting her if I'm asleep and she decides she wants sex (which makes her laugh because she is the one who generally offers the rejections, waking, sleeping, in-between).

Thank you for listening to my rant and trying to get on paper my internal thoughts; I do feel better for writing this out. I still don't know what I'm going to do, but, hopefully I can turn the feels back off (where they belong :)) Apologies