Ok - so sorry if this is a long one - I guess I’m looking for advice/validation or something. Long time lurker (reasons will become obvious, first time poster)... Here we go.

So I (50hlm) met my (now) wife (57llf) in 2013. We worked together and clicked. Sex was amazing and frequent, like it always is at the start, I suppose. We both left our marriages, divorced and moved in together in 2014. Sex life was amazing and often. Married in 2017, and sex was ok - it at least continued. Fast forward to pandemic, and it start to drop off. She went more introverted during the pandemic and didn’t go out, pretty much ever. Sex started to slow down. Late 2020 we moved house and since then we’ve had sex maybe twice a year. She always wants to have sex once when we travel places, but NEVER at home (past 2 years, at least). There’s no imagination or drive there anymore at all.

Other stuff - there’s always problems (job, money, kid, psychological) that she’s dealing with and that, plus the fact I still love her, has kept me here.

Right now, we have no intimacy at all - I can’t remember the last time she even touched me. I know that I’ve always been more demonstrative and touchy (and I’m the extrovert of the marriage), but literally nothing. I’m basically a lodger paying more of the bills than she does. House is solo hers, and my kids have left home and moved on (we still have a her high school kid here). I pretty much pay everything (right now, doubly so as she’s between jobs).

She cites childhood abuse and weight gain/self-image as being a core issue, but both things were true before the sex stopped. I’m extremely generous and like to look after her, but it is now just expected.

The past few months, I’ve become increasingly desperate for intimacy and have stepped up to more porn, which I’m not sure is healthy, and started to drink more. I’ve also put on 15lbs or so (way less than her). I’ve also stopped trying.

Fast forward to the past week where I was essentially told I’m heading for a heart attack. My stress levels are through the roof on top of everything you just read. So I had a serious talk with myself and identified all the stress things I need to fix and the marriage comes out as core.

I had the first half of the chat (telling her all of this) the other day, then the kid came home and she’s ignored me since. Side bar here - She wasn’t upset when I told her all of this, nor was there crying or emotion. Essentially she said “oh, so now you’re going to leave and stop paying, while I’m unemployed”.

I’m about to hit the second half of the talk and my move (I think) is to go into a separated environment for a while. I probably will (mostly) keep paying a little while I’m out (it’s not my house and honestly, our finances are probably relatively easy to separate).
There’s more I could say about the situation, but I’ve had enough. She’s not happy, I’m not happy and the relationship is currently the cause for me. Do I want to go meet women and have hook ups - YES. Could I? absolutely. I don’t want to do it behind her back, but that’s where it goes next if I stay unless something dramatic happens.

I’m scared, but excited to be on my own a while (given I’ve never lived on my own). I also feel like at 50, I’m still young enough to have fun and meet friends, FWBs and short term hook ups.

So why post this? - I think I’m doing the right thing for the right reasons. Any advice on this or similar situations would be appreciated. It’s scary to me that I’m here, but I think I need this. Thoughts?

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PS. Alt account :)

Edit: corrected formatting a little.

Also - is the general opinion that I’m doing the right thing to assume it’ll never get better?