I mainly lurk here, occasionally comment. I read both HL and LL posts, it can seem here everything is black and white and solutions are simple and straightforward but there are many different people world there are many different solutions to DB.

One post that really resonate with me was u/independentvoice3240 the acceptance > the resentful > the depression > the acceptance, I could relate to the post and it something I go through.

As the title of the post hints at there has been an accumulation of reasons how we have ended up in a DB, if you allow me (50 HL) to share your story with you.

My wife (50 LL) has endometriosis after many doctors and operations it is clear it has permanently messed her insides up and she finds it painful for PIV. Flatteringly she said I am too big for her, we tried some toys to if we could relax things for her but that didn't help. When we are intermate she is happy with my fingers and tongue skills and I enjoy getting to orgasm. I have always said I would happy exploring and doing non-PIV activities however she doesn't like oral and her hand jobs were terrible, after talking and training she got better. She doesn't look like she enjoys it, getting a latex stroker was a game changer for a while, but it been a while since it has been used.

Another consequence of the endometriosis is we have not been able to have children and that has had an effect too. It's unlikely we will now because she pre- menopause. In some respects she been lucky with few issues but heat is a problem, we can't cuddle for long either on the sofa or in bed because I am too hot for her. That find hard the less touching and hold but I do understand.

She changed careers 10 years ago and she now has her dream job. The downside to that is it requires a lot of her mentally and her time, she works long hours and will bring home work in the evening. So I take care of the domestic stuff, cooking, cleaning, laundry, food shopping and the DIY along with my full time job.

Her sister has a terminal illness which like witnessing the slowest car crash and her mother was diagnosed with dementia last year. With all this going on my wife's capacity to be mentally and physically present at home is limited, it is better when we are holiday but that doesn't make up for rest of the year. We love each other and my wife has said she feels lucky has an understanding and supportive husband, but intermacy is is not there, despite us talking about it and trying different things in the bedroom.

What about me? I am coming out period of comfort eating which started at Christmas and with the weather getting better I will start cycling and get my weight down again.

I am not sure what will happen long term but tonight I am going to do what I normally do on a Sunday night which stick in my Bluetooth ear buds listen to some great music, dance and sing while I clean the kitchen after our Sunday lunch and prepare for the working week.

Thanks for reading.